Depression. How do you cope with that? You take one
cigarette, light it up, take in one big breath of fumes and slowly let it out
from your lips. You see how a cloud of smoke slowly distributes into the air, and
then you take another smoke. You look how it burns and then slowly changes into
pieces of flying ashes. Like your life.
Today I saw death. A death of my peer, who had big plans for
future and didn't expect life coming to the end so rapidly. He was laying in a
coffin like a doll – with no life, no soul. His face was full of makeup, which
made me think that it was completely another person. I gave my condolences to
my friend – his girlfriend, and gradually went to the back of the room. I sat
there for an hour thinking: “should I leave now or should I wait?” From the
last row I could see his face and thought maybe he could get up and revive? It’s
not that I cared so much about him, it’s just that looking at his family and friends
crying desperately in his honor made me miserable. Who could predict that? No
one. It was just his fate, which was inevitable.
I went out of the room glancing for the last time at him, thinking
that life is too short to bother about such
trifling thing as depression.
Dziwnie, zawsze spostrzegałam Ciebie jako osobę, o której wiem bardzo dużo. Okazało się myliłam, bo przecież nie mogłam i nadal nie mogę, nigdy nie będę mogła wiedzieć co się dzieje w Twoim wnętrzu, gdy zetkniesz z jedną bądź drugą sytuacją życiową. To musiało być okropne, bo zawsze jest trudno spoglądać na czyjś ból, wtedy zaczynasz się czuć nie na miejscu, nie wiesz jak masz się ruszać, co mówić. Jak wogóle przy tym wszystkim być? Zawsze pozostaniesz na drugiej stronie, dopuki nie zaznasz tego swoją skórą. A gdy zaznasz...lepiej wogóle tego nie przeżyć...
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